Whats been eating NP

[Thaistick]

Accountability. I know it makes a difference for me. My addiction like most people was well hidden. I was working 80 hour weeks and in pain from my various injuries. It went from one Lortab being miraculous and truly making me high as fuck to in a couple of years around 500mg of oxycodone and oral morphine just making it where I got through the day. I never got hooked on the Tianeptine, partially due to your warnings in the last few months. I discovered it around the time you were having problems with it. It's a strange drug, the way it works I mean. Not an opiate but acts on the receptors somewhat. It has so many other mechanisms that it works through. That is what I think has made it so difficult to stop and why the suboxone etc didn't have much effect.
For myself, I'm using my kratom daily for my chronic and acute pain and the green stinky stuff is my evening and weekend recreation now. Thank God for medicinal marijuana finally coming here. I haven't touched a prescription opiate in weeks now for my pain and I discharged myself from the pain management doctor. He was such an arrogant asshole that I never wanted to be beholden to him anyway. The fucker tried to put me on every antidepressant ever made. When I told him that I'd tried many with negative effects he told me that he "didn't believe in side effects." That's when I decided to cut my ties with that ass. Keep it up NP, I know life is hard on all of us at times. It's been a bad year for me but I'm getting better every day and plan to finish the year on top.

 

[Nutpuncher]

Keep going man. The mind is a powerful thing over time I believe it will heal itself.

I can't help but to fall in love with you. I've always preached how powerful our mind is but I failed to practice what I preached because my history is to flight, NOT TO fight even...fuck that sucks to admit.

Accountability. I know it makes a difference for me. My addiction like most people was well hidden. I was working 80 hour weeks and in pain from my various injuries. It went from one Lortab being miraculous and truly making me high as fuck to in a couple of years around 500mg of oxycodone and oral morphine just making it where I got through the day. I never got hooked on the Tianeptine, partially due to your warnings in the last few months. I discovered it around the time you were having problems with it. It's a strange drug, the way it works I mean. Not an opiate but acts on the receptors somewhat. It has so many other mechanisms that it works through. That is what I think has made it so difficult to stop and why the suboxone etc didn't have much effect.
For myself, I'm using my kratom daily for my chronic and acute pain and the green stinky stuff is my evening and weekend recreation now. Thank God for medicinal marijuana finally coming here. I haven't touched a prescription opiate in weeks now for my pain and I discharged myself from the pain management doctor. He was such an arrogant asshole that I never wanted to be beholden to him anyway. The fucker tried to put me on every antidepressant ever made. When I told him that I'd tried many with negative effects he told me that he "didn't believe in side effects." That's when I decided to cut my ties with that ass. Keep it up NP, I know life is hard on all of us at times. It's been a bad year for me but I'm getting better every day and plan to finish the year on top.

Addiction isolates you from the folks that give a shit about you. BUT our addicted mine tells us to continue to eat a dick or eat pussy if you prefer dicks. Tianeptine is a nasty dick in my ass but I continued to bend over from Aug 2107 - Nay, I mean May 2018. Tell me brother, who da fuck will bend over and over and over? I know who? Anybody that is severe untreated mental illness. Whoa....did I just call myself crazy lol? Thats ok because I feel that I will have the last laugh...hopefully sooner than later....but I know that day won't come until I resolve the many demons that fucks with my brain.

Speaking about demons, my next demon that I will face will be the demon that I discovered on Sept 9th 2016.....aka as my wife wanting to leave me. I've been on a mental downward spiral ever since. I am not ready to deal with that demon yet even though I see that demon every day when I wake up and go to bed....But that doesn't mean I don't relive 9-9-16 nor how I purposely did whatever to fuel my addiction. wow, talk about self sabotage/destruction.

 

[01dragonslayer]

Strong Body
Strong Mind
Strong Spirit.
No Body Can Stop That!

 

[Nutpuncher]

Check out my newest tool. I've been wanting this for couple years but couldn't afford it aka wifey wouldn't approve.

Spyderco Paramilitary II G10 Digicamo. this is scary sharp.

 

[Nutpuncher]

Dope sick free!!!!

Quick recap, stopped suboxone on 8/21 and took this long for me to finally not feel any physical aspects of being dope sick. Last week I felt better and started getting back into doing things that I used to love doing. last Saturday I took my kayak into salt water. Weather was about 50 degrees with heavy fog and raining off and on. Just floating felt so relaxing. This is the 1st time that I felt (sober) pleasure for a long time.

caught a flounder. Had couple hard strikes. took my rifle and did some shooting...maybe that scared fishy away lol.

Wish I could say that I launched from my backyard lol


I didn't even get to enjoy a joint because I dropped my only lighter.


tried to zero my new used scope I recently picked up but impossible for me to do while floating and not knowing distance but I still had a blast. (I know multicam and my DIY camo paint job doesn't match lol).

 

[drealdeal]

Quick recap, stopped suboxone on 8/21 and took this long for me to finally not feel any physical aspects of being dope sick. Last week I felt better and started getting back into doing things that I used to love doing. last Saturday I took my kayak into salt water. Weather was about 50 degrees with heavy fog and raining off and on. Just floating felt so relaxing. This is the 1st time that I felt (sober) pleasure for a long time.

caught a flounder. Had couple hard strikes. took my rifle and did some shooting...maybe that scared fishy away lol.

Wish I could say that I launched from my backyard lol
View attachment 9119

I didn't even get to enjoy a joint because I dropped my only lighter.
View attachment 9120

tried to zero my new used scope I recently picked up but impossible for me to do while floating and not knowing distance but I still had a blast. (I know multicam and my DIY camo paint job doesn't match lol).
View attachment 9121

Im so happy to hear this NP your a great guy and deserve the best in life but even more so to enjoy it w no "chains" holding you captive.... the community stands behind you my bro keep striving to be the best possible you and you cant go wrong.

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[MotorCityMuscleMachine]

Im so happy to hear this NP your a great guy and deserve the best in life but even more so to enjoy it w no "chains" holding you captive.... the community stands behind you my bro keep striving to be the best possible you and you cant go wrong.

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Ditto..! Good for you broski...

Stay strong.., stay "Inspired". You got this.!

 

[xxplosive]

God bless you, NP, from a fellow recovered addict, I am truly glad to hear you are doing so much better. I think I had gotten some dbol and something else from you a while back...

Feel free to PM me any time if you ever got some shit you need to get off your chest. I now work at a detox facility and work with addicts, my whole perspective on life has changed since becoming sober and my aim is to help others as much as I can, specifically those that have succumbed to these particular horrors.

When you hear narcotics are demonic... Its NOT just a metaphor. I have had some intense, scary experiences. We dont know what we're fucking with when we choose to use.

Glad things are better... If you ever get the urge, hit me.

 

[Nutpuncher]

God bless you, NP, from a fellow recovered addict, I am truly glad to hear you are doing so much better. I think I had gotten some dbol and something else from you a while back...

Feel free to PM me any time if you ever got some shit you need to get off your chest. I now work at a detox facility and work with addicts, my whole perspective on life has changed since becoming sober and my aim is to help others as much as I can, specifically those that have succumbed to these particular horrors.

When you hear narcotics are demonic... Its NOT just a metaphor. I have had some intense, scary experiences. We dont know what we're fucking with when we choose to use.

Glad things are better... If you ever get the urge, hit me.

Thank you. You speak the truth about addiction aka mental illness. As long as I can remember, I've always wanted to be accepted by my father and my so called friends but I found out that I didn't have the ability to feel accepted until pain killers entered my life when I was in highschool. I just turned 44yrs old. My fight isn't over yet because the mental aspect of living opiate free life but thats ok because I am ready/willing/wanting to keep on fighting so my son doesn't follow my footsteps.

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Relationship with wifey is best it has been for many years. Her actions indicates that she is in love with me again. I am slowly replacing my memories of when she wanted to leave me with current memories. I don't know what is worst, (a) my struggles with getting off opiates or (b) my wife wanting to leave me (been together since 1992). <--that is the closest I've ever come to hitting rock bottom.

 

[01dragonslayer]

Thank you. You speak the truth about addiction aka mental illness. As long as I can remember, I've always wanted to be accepted by my father and my so called friends but I found out that I didn't have the ability to feel accepted until pain killers entered my life when I was in highschool. I just turned 44yrs old. My fight isn't over yet because the mental aspect of living opiate free life but thats ok because I am ready/willing/wanting to keep on fighting so my son doesn't follow my footsteps.

----------------------

Relationship with wifey is best it has been for many years. Her actions indicates that she is in love with me again. I am slowly replacing my memories of when she wanted to leave me with current memories. I don't know what is worst, (a) my struggles with getting off opiates or (b) my wife wanting to leave me (been together since 1992). <--that is the closest I've ever come to hitting rock bottom.

Stay strong my friend. You have come a long way. I know your journey was hard and its probably not gonna get any easier. You know you have plenty of brothers here to turn to if you need help or inspiration. I keep wishing the best.

 

[Nutpuncher]

Stay strong my friend. You have come a long way. I know your journey was hard and its probably not gonna get any easier. You know you have plenty of brothers here to turn to if you need help or inspiration. I keep wishing the best.

Thank you. Funny you say that because couple years ago when I was on vacation w/ $0.00 and I wanted to spoil my son and guess who I asked for help???? I contacted a brother/friend on this forum and had cash in my hands within 30 mins. I've never even met him... so anybody that thinks brotherhood is a joke should look into a mirror.......

 

[01dragonslayer]

Thank you. Funny you say that because couple years ago when I was on vacation w/ $0.00 and I wanted to spoil my son and guess who I asked for help???? I contacted a brother/friend on this forum and had cash in my hands within 30 mins. I've never even met him... so anybody that thinks brotherhood is a joke should look into a mirror.......

Thats freakin' awesome. I agree its a 'different' relationship we have here and feel honored and privileged to know so many great brothas.

 

[Nutpuncher]

something funny...screw kayaking

WHY DIDN'T MY BROTHERS TELL ME "don't be stupid and think your inflatable float aka kayak can handle near white cap salt water current!"?

Long story short, I am done with taking my wannabe kayak on salt water. My wife told me that there was a strong wind adversary over the puget sound (connects to pacific ocean), but I had so much fun last time that I didn't think about the consequences. My fishing trip turned into losing my new tablet (while taking pics), 1 of my fishing poles and most importantly my air pump hose. hose purpose in my case turned into panically sucking and blowing water out of my kayak. My mouth was salty and jaw was tired of sucking....wait a sec, that doesn't sound good lol.

NO JOKE, I had no idea that the current was taking me to a different city. I eventually tied onto a buoy hoping that I can outsuck the water filling my kayak... rowing against current sucks. on the positive side, I didn't have much air to deflate once I got back onto soil lol.

 

[xxplosive]

Thank you. You speak the truth about addiction aka mental illness. As long as I can remember, I've always wanted to be accepted by my father and my so called friends but I found out that I didn't have the ability to feel accepted until pain killers entered my life when I was in highschool. I just turned 44yrs old. My fight isn't over yet because the mental aspect of living opiate free life but thats ok because I am ready/willing/wanting to keep on fighting so my son doesn't follow my footsteps.

----------------------

Relationship with wifey is best it has been for many years. Her actions indicates that she is in love with me again. I am slowly replacing my memories of when she wanted to leave me with current memories. I don't know what is worst, (a) my struggles with getting off opiates or (b) my wife wanting to leave me (been together since 1992). <--that is the closest I've ever come to hitting rock bottom.

The trick to staying sober is to do it so that you can help others- if you are sober just for you, it will likely fall apart at some point bc we always will have a moment where we feel so low we might not care about ourselves.

My advice to you would if there's an AA near you, find one, go to some meetings and work the steps until you are ready to become a sponsor. When you are able to see and feel what it's like to be the difference and light in ANOTHER addicts life... Its very powerful.

Cant be of help to others without being right yourself.

You never know when even a nephew, cousin, niece, etc might need to draw on your exp and example.

 

[Icedawg]

Good brothers here fosho!!!

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[Nutpuncher]

Karma is my friend

Guess what brothers? I pick up my son's new hemophilia medicine (Hemlibra) tomorrow. FDA approved for kids to use roughly 2-3 weeks ago. and took 2-3 weeks for insurance to cover. Why is karma my friend? Its because I don't have to stab him with a 18g port needle into his port EVERY OTHER DAY. Hemilibra is a once a week slin pin SubQ shot. My son said "cool, now I can be like my friends 6 days of the week!" I can hear crackling sounds/sensation when I stick him over scar tissue. It doesn't hurt as much as fresh meat. Scar tissue looks like he has 1 big nipple and 2 itsy bitsy nipples.

Sucks to say this I wouldn't be here today (dead/homeless/prison) if my son wasn't born with a medical condition that requires so much attention (many visit to hemo clinic, constant blood work, trips to Children's Hospital ER,....etc..).

I honestly believe my Karma is rewarding me for my (short periods) of being nice.

 

[drealdeal]

Guess what brothers? I pick up my son's new hemophilia medicine (Hemlibra) tomorrow. FDA approved for kids to use roughly 2-3 weeks ago. and took 2-3 weeks for insurance to cover. Why is karma my friend? Its because I don't have to stab him with a 18g port needle into his port EVERY OTHER DAY. Hemilibra is a once a week slin pin SubQ shot. My son said "cool, now I can be like my friends 6 days of the week!" I can hear crackling sounds/sensation when I stick him over scar tissue. It doesn't hurt as much as fresh meat. Scar tissue looks like he has 1 big nipple and 2 itsy bitsy nipples.

Sucks to say this I wouldn't be here today (dead/homeless/prison) if my son wasn't born with a medical condition that requires so much attention (many visit to hemo clinic, constant blood work, trips to Children's Hospital ER,....etc..).

I honestly believe my Karma is rewarding me for my (short periods) of being nice.

God bless you and your family ! This is great news despite his condition.

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[Nutpuncher]

God bless you and your family ! This is great news despite his condition.

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Thank you!!!!! he will continue to live life just like any kid except no hitting/contact sports. 31g slin pin is PAINLESS unless you hit a nerve or your cock and balls.

 

[drealdeal]

Thank you!!!!! he will continue to live life just like any kid except no hitting/contact sports. 31g slin pin is PAINLESS unless you hit a nerve or your cock and balls.

Lol

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[01dragonslayer]

Right here Kins....this is you.....

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