Whats been eating NP

[Muscle mechanic]

I have been on first suboxone,
Now Buprenorphine 8mg every morning.
Anyway this was 13 years ago.
Never touched anything again.
Surgeries only put to sleep no pain meds except toradol and been fine.
One surgery spinal tap too.
Since then I got back on my adderall 40mg a day never misused and finally
Klonipin only 0.5mg 2x a day.
So that is me.
Live a simple life working out and using gear saved me.
But check this out. Had a violence charge.
Went into in house place insurance paid to help reduce. U was in there with mostly addicts and I had been straight on meds proper 12 years.
I had to come off meds between jail and 30 day place. Miserable on top of it I had no addiction issue Any more but no narcotics at place. Well told them whatever floated their boat was cool that I would start meds when left. They had to give them to me none missing as I took correct.
I walked out last day shook bag and said going take my meds.
Buprenorphine had me sick bad.
Waiting 15 more days to start it so 60 total and still had to pack underwear with toilet paper or else!!!
My Dr knew about whole ordeal and told me get back on your meds.
This was to hopefully reduce a violent charge I face.
So recieved counseling reunited my family and was evaluated for 30 days.
Sad thing is it was all misunderstanding and had a ex of wife cause the crap to his advantage....
Sorry ass sob...
Get on your Buprenorphine take as little as possible 8mg works give it enough time.
Leave the other crap alone.
That is what i did but people still used last against me and a issue that was accident and not something I did.
So trouble will haunt u regardless.
Be strong don't let it take u down.
Start climbing out that hole and don't go back ever!!

 

[Serpico]

Thanks Dragonslayer ......I give lots of talks to people trying to come to terms with SOBRIETY ...
Serpico

I will never quit. My nation expects me to be physically harder and mentally stronger than my enemies. If knocked down i will get back up, every time. I will draw on every remaining ounce of strength to protect my teammates and to accomplish our mission. I am never out of the fight.”

 

[01dragonslayer]

Thanks Dragonslayer ......I give lots of talks to people trying to come to terms with SOBRIETY ...
Serpico

I will never quit. My nation expects me to be physically harder and mentally stronger than my enemies. If knocked down i will get back up, every time. I will draw on every remaining ounce of strength to protect my teammates and to accomplish our mission. I am never out of the fight.”

Like I've said before....I see addiction and how it effects lives everyday. Its so unfortunate and its horrible how people so easily succumb. I have not heard from my friend for over three years.

 

[Thaistick]

NP, you know how much you helped me. For anyone else who doesn't know he helped me quit suboxone last fall. I weaned down to about 2mg a day on the subs then used cannacaps. I ended up having zero physical withdrawals. And I'm a long time opiate user. I was up around 500mg a day of oxy at my worst. Fortunately I never got on to the needle. I've tried Tianeptine, I think that it was bunk or something. It tasted horrible and didn't do anything for me. Unfortunately after getting clean of the suboxone for a few months I broke my back. So..... Back on the train. I've been taking my percocet as I'm supposed to but I've found that kratom works better than even the percocet without my feeling intoxicated. Anything I can possibly do to help, even if you just want to vent I'm here. Not like I've got anything better to do.

 

[Serpico]

NP, you know how much you helped me. For anyone else who doesn't know he helped me quit suboxone last fall. I weaned down to about 2mg a day on the subs then used cannacaps. I ended up having zero physical withdrawals. And I'm a long time opiate user. I was up around 500mg a day of oxy at my worst. Fortunately I never got on to the needle. I've tried Tianeptine, I think that it was bunk or something. It tasted horrible and didn't do anything for me. Unfortunately after getting clean of the suboxone for a few months I broke my back. So..... Back on the train. I've been taking my percocet as I'm supposed to but I've found that kratom works better than even the percocet without my feeling intoxicated. Anything I can possibly do to help, even if you just want to vent I'm here. Not like I've got anything better to do.

This is a very INSPIRATIONAL POST .....
Serpico

I will never quit. My nation expects me to be physically harder and mentally stronger than my enemies. If knocked down i will get back up, every time. I will draw on every remaining ounce of strength to protect my teammates and to accomplish our mission. I am never out of the fight.”

 

[Rot-Iron66]

NP, wishing you the best,you have a lot of friends here who care, you can do it brother...

 

[Muscle mechanic]

NP, you know how much you helped me. For anyone else who doesn't know he helped me quit suboxone last fall. I weaned down to about 2mg a day on the subs then used cannacaps. I ended up having zero physical withdrawals. And I'm a long time opiate user. I was up around 500mg a day of oxy at my worst. Fortunately I never got on to the needle. I've tried Tianeptine, I think that it was bunk or something. It tasted horrible and didn't do anything for me. Unfortunately after getting clean of the suboxone for a few months I broke my back. So..... Back on the train. I've been taking my percocet as I'm supposed to but I've found that kratom works better than even the percocet without my feeling intoxicated. Anything I can possibly do to help, even if you just want to vent I'm here. Not like I've got anything better to do.

I was on the.... with opiates 13 years ago.
When i went to Buprenorphine (subs) I was at pain management on 200mg methadone a day with the bars and soma and lortabs I ridded lortabs they did nothing.
Anyway I was desperate and got on subs they never did me a thing with my high Tolerance but prevented the dreadful methadone withdraw which last long and is worst from all I quit clinic to go back on oxy, diludide, dope cause it wouldn't stop the Detox symptoms.
Well what I am saying is suboxone or Buprenorphine a great med if taken correct if someone is ready to use it proper and that their tolerance actually high enough to really need it in first place.
Buprenorphine saved my life I have been sober almost 13 years actually.
I only used 8mg every morning and never misused. I was ready I guess.
They never did me a thing but prevent withdrawal and they stabilize dopamine in ones brain who has been on opiates long time and loads thru the vien which is 100% absorbed.
I had 3 surgeries never took pain meds stayed on Buprenorphine and only was put to sleep nothing else but toradol and spinal tap for one of them.
But when I got on subs they were new and the users didn't abuse them and they had no bad wrap.
Today it's all different with what they do.
Guy died other day from heroin I know.
Found dead in car it's was 3 days they said before noticed he was folded over.
But if someone isn't ready no med will help, or anything they hear. But if ready desperation will follow the person who isnt going back. If we fall get back up be honest and get back on track.
I just wanted to say my piece about my experience with Subs, because they never hurt me only helped but I was more than ready.
I mean I only can tell my story and what helped me. I have seen same Dr for scrip 1x a month and never went to sub clinic.
Methadone helped me too but the clinic had me with the same people most were doing something else once off the opiate money eater.

But [MENTION=59]Thaistick[/MENTION], I have made it 13 years thus month with route that worked for me.
I still know what i had to change and always here for someone who suffers.
I know the way out that hole, I will get in there with anyone and give them a choice to follow the way out!

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[Muscle mechanic]

Also what is inside of us are like 2 wolves fighting.
A good wolf
And
A bad wolf
To overcome anything like addiction we Gotta change from within.
We feed that good wolf with good things we do.
And we don't feed the bad one who tells us it's ok and keeps us negative.

So changes needed the good wolf has to be fed and be stronger so bad one is silent.

I push my basket back everytime I go to store better I grab all ones around.
I keep this world a better place and build integrity that becomes a positive engery.
I do much more than push those baskets daily and it's my way of feeding my good wolf. I gotta do as much as I can good because that bad wolf is the devil. I don't want him getting to me.
Today I don't feed bad one, but being honest and helpful good hearted I get hurt by people alot. They hit me where it hurts and negatively feeds that wolf. I am strong enough to not go back to old me but it still weights on me and other things like temper and depression get me down.
I get up and fed my good wolf all I can and remember the bad times the other causes me.
After a while my brain learned to do good in bad times instead if picking up.
I had to learn that if I get hurt I am mad if course but I can't be revengeful I gotta let it go, because it's not good if I don't u know.
We gotta find what gets us away from self-devastation and practice it everyday...
I want good in life and for us all.
Wish y all best brothers

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[BobbySweeney]

Also what is inside of us are like 2 wolves fighting.
A good wolf
And
A bad wolf
To overcome anything like addiction we Gotta change from within.
We feed that good wolf with good things we do.
And we don't feed the bad one who tells us it's ok and keeps us negative.

So changes needed the good wolf has to be fed and be stronger so bad one is silent.

I push my basket back everytime I go to store better I grab all ones around.
I keep this world a better place and build integrity that becomes a positive engery.
I do much more than push those baskets daily and it's my way of feeding my good wolf. I gotta do as much as I can good because that bad wolf is the devil. I don't want him getting to me.
Today I don't feed bad one, but being honest and helpful good hearted I get hurt by people alot. They hit me where it hurts and negatively feeds that wolf. I am strong enough to not go back to old me but it still weights on me and other things like temper and depression get me down.
I get up and fed my good wolf all I can and remember the bad times the other causes me.
After a while my brain learned to do good in bad times instead if picking up.
I had to learn that if I get hurt I am mad if course but I can't be revengeful I gotta let it go, because it's not good if I don't u know.
We gotta find what gets us away from self-devastation and practice it everyday...
I want good in life and for us all.
Wish y all best brothers

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I forget which Western the good/bad wolf feeding reference is from.

 

[Nutpuncher]

Thank you. I can't believe all the support I've received. I am not going through withdraws anymore. That only lasted for 1 day and then I ate about 400mgs every 2-3hrs or whenever I felt withdraws. I am very familar with using tramadol, kratom, immodium d, anti acids and gabapentin to reduce withdraws but that would only help reduce WD if my daily maintenance dose was MUCH lower. I didn't notice an relief w/ 16mg suboxone and that should've been PLENTY.


I guess I failed chemical dependency assessment because my insurance approved partial inpatient rehab which I'll start either tomorrow or friday or 6hrs a day/10 consecutive business days. I need to reestablish chemical free coping skills and how to live an opiate free lifestyle.

I'll provide update before i go partial inpatient

 

[C587]

Bro just know theres a light at the end of the tunnel. I ate 200-300mg hydrocodone from 2004-2014. I thought I couldn't be happy without it. Jail it took to break me. Cold turkey handcuffed to a hospital bed for 2 weeks. Then a couple months depressed. Now I wake up every morning and just look at the trees and dew on the ground and thank God for my life. Whenever I wanna call my H man or pill man I call my son instead. It does get better bro. I promise. One day at a time sounds lame but is so true! Hit me up anytime man.

 

[Thaistick]

Thank you. I can't believe all the support I've received. I am not going through withdraws anymore. That only lasted for 1 day and then I ate about 400mgs every 2-3hrs or whenever I felt withdraws. I am very familar with using tramadol, kratom, immodium d, anti acids and gabapentin to reduce withdraws but that would only help reduce WD if my daily maintenance dose was MUCH lower. I didn't notice an relief w/ 16mg suboxone and that should've been PLENTY.


I guess I failed chemical dependency assessment because my insurance approved partial inpatient rehab which I'll start either tomorrow or friday or 6hrs a day/10 consecutive business days. I need to reestablish chemical free coping skills and how to live an opiate free lifestyle.

I'll provide update before i go partial inpatient

That Tianeptine must be pretty strong on the opiate scale. Suboxone is an extremely strong opiate in that it binds to the receptors very strongly. That's why you see doctors prescribing 150mcg of bupenorphine for opiate naive patients. One thing my doctor told me was that when starting suboxone after using was to just take a small dose every couple of hours because of the way the opiates compete for the receptors. Supposedly it works better that way. But you are past that for the moment anyway. Now, as you said, it's time to put in that work. I have no doubt you can do it.

 

[Nutpuncher]

Thank you again for supporting me. I am back to work from short term disability. I've re-learned that my having too much on my plate is my biggest trigger. Day job, family and raising a crazy 7yr old is plenty on my plate. I used to have that plus MANY PROJECTS that I wouldn't start until everyone went to bed....sooner or later that is a recipe for disaster.. which 1st occurred on 4/20/17 when I fell asleep on cruise control 70mph. Long story short, car rolled and nearly wiped out a homeless camp. 2nd disaster occurred when I relapsed on Tianeptine.

I think I've learned from both disasters what I need to do to prevent 3rd from occurring. 3rd disaster may be the one that ends my life or end up in prison.

Nowadays, I am focusing on my day job, family/raising son (and only couple projects lol). I've started lifting again along with TRT and recently added my favorite compound MENT...which is trying to open a can of whoop ass on my nipples lol. Thank you [MENTION=59]Thaistick[/MENTION] for coming to my nipples rescue


Speaking of getting back in shape, I am amazed at how fast my body has rebounded after a year of doing nothing and only took test whenever low t symptoms were high. Day 1 weights were very low due to weakness, 30lbs incline dumbbell press. 14 days and 10 workout later weight increased to 60lb. I know my strength has greatly came back, but my body isn't ready for that much weight so I've reduce and match weight not to what I can lift but will match weight to what my body is telling me. And its telling me that I'll damage connective tissue of some sort.

I'll continue to post my progress. Oh yea, Tianeptine dominates your opiate receptors when taken high enough dose. That dose is dependent on each person. For me, about 5 grams a day. I say that because I took 80mg oxycodone and felt as if I took Tylenol 3, but I didn't feel WD for few hours. At that high of dose, your body starts to feel more negative side effects than euphoria...but that didn't stop me from trying..... I ended at 10 grams a day. Cold turkey off that nearly caused a member to post "NP committed suicide" thread.

Please feel free to ask me anything as I want others to understand how dangerous Tia is for a person with any sort of addiction or addiction like tendencies. I don't know if I was lucky or not but I didn't struggle with WD like I have in the past where I'd go through WD when I couldn't find any pills which happened often. This time I was lucky or not that I was able to get more within 36hrs except weekends. This time I was financially able to feed my $600 weekly habit...and that doesn't count other stuff to keep me going. Holy shit I had no idea I was wasting so much money per week....I wouldn't care if I was paying twice as much as long as I didn't get dope sick. See how I let my addiction take over? Right this moment, I am in control of my addiction..

Sucks to have to struggle ED of my life in search of normalcy, but I'll lose everything if I stop fighting. Heck, I may have found it, but too stupid to realized lol.

 

[Nutpuncher]

Oh yea, I forgot to mention that I am now rethinking if I want to be on Opiate Maintenance Therapy (OMT) Meds the rest of my life or not because as there are side effects of having my opiate receptors constantly coated.. That will caused something to not work because its not needed while I am on OMT meds. ......... I'll update what I end up doing but for now, I am on OMT med call Zubsolv b/c my insurance won't pay for Suboxone.

 

[01dragonslayer]

Well it s go ta have you back NP. You were missed by many. I see the struggles of addiction every I go to work and the effects not on just the user but also how its effect those around them especially those that have families. It can and will rip your family apart and at times could cost you your own life.

I appreciate you sharing your story and if it helps just even one person its well worth telling.

Glad to have you back my friend and wish and your family the best.

 

[Rc10b4]

Good to hear you climbed out the hole. Best of luck to you maintaining above water! You've always been extremely helpful and accommodating in any situation. You're a good dude from my seat and I'm happy to help with anything.

 

[Northeastconfederate]

NP, I don't know you even at the forum level, as I'm pretty new here. But I can relate to you and your struggle totally, though mine was a long time ago.

I am a recovering alcoholic and drug addict; been clean and sober 32 years. I didn't have a specific downfall drug like you did; my favorite drug was "more". I did "more" of everything and in every combination. For a while, I was popping quayludes, washing them down with a liter of Jack Daniels and chasing that down with beer. I was 16; my mother found me in a coma in my room and thought I was dead.

I ended up in a long term lockup rehab in 1986 as a result of some trouble with the law associated with my drinking and drug use; I've been clean amd sober in AA ever since. What keeps me from a relapse is changing my life through the 12 steps of AA and the support of other recovering drunks/drug addicts also in AA.

I am not lecturing you, just sharing my experience with you. But O strongly urge you to get involved with Narcotucs Anonymous; get a sponsor who has worked all 12 steps; and get into the 12 steps yourself. This is a route to sobriety and happiness without relapse and without maintenance drugs. It requires large doses of effort and humility, and a little bit of time. After a while, it requires a willingness to help others. But the benefits cannot be measured. Self respect; self esteem; the respect and esteem of my family - my wife and I just had dinner with my parents this evening. The mother who found me nearly dead 32 years ago. The most precious reward of all is the absolute freedom from the "hideous Four Horsemen" of addiction. As we say in AA, it works - IF you work it.

 

[Nutpuncher]

Well it s go ta have you back NP. You were missed by many. I see the struggles of addiction every I go to work and the effects not on just the user but also how its effect those around them especially those that have families. It can and will rip your family apart and at times could cost you your own life.

I appreciate you sharing your story and if it helps just even one person its well worth telling.

Glad to have you back my friend and wish and your family the best.

Thank you. I am glad to be back. I agree with ya about addiction. And I'll add that in my personal experience and with others, depending on where you are at, "Will Power" will get its ass whooped by Addiction. NOBODY that I've meet including myself has ever stopped with their will power. In every case there was something greater then themselves that they and I saw value in.... so much value that we stop without Will Power. I say that because majority of folks think that folks with addiction are weak minded.....or maybe so I don't think I am weak minded lol

Good to hear you climbed out the hole. Best of luck to you maintaining above water! You've always been extremely helpful and accommodating in any situation. You're a good dude from my seat and I'm happy to help with anything.

Hey stranger. Me too happy that I found the exit before I got too deep into the hole. that sounded strange lol. Thanks for the kinds words. Another testament that not all addicts lie/steal/scam lol...at least not yet b/c can't ever say never. Please don't hesitate to reach out to me as I am kinda lonely now that I am sober bana

NP, I don't know you even at the forum level, as I'm pretty new here. But I can relate to you and your struggle totally, though mine was a long time ago.

I am a recovering alcoholic and drug addict; been clean and sober 32 years. I didn't have a specific downfall drug like you did; my favorite drug was "more". I did "more" of everything and in every combination. For a while, I was popping quayludes, washing them down with a liter of Jack Daniels and chasing that down with beer. I was 16; my mother found me in a coma in my room and thought I was dead.

I ended up in a long term lockup rehab in 1986 as a result of some trouble with the law associated with my drinking and drug use; I've been clean amd sober in AA ever since. What keeps me from a relapse is changing my life through the 12 steps of AA and the support of other recovering drunks/drug addicts also in AA.

I am not lecturing you, just sharing my experience with you. But O strongly urge you to get involved with Narcotics Anonymous; get a sponsor who has worked all 12 steps; and get into the 12 steps yourself. This is a route to sobriety and happiness without relapse and without maintenance drugs. It requires large doses of effort and humility, and a little bit of time. After a while, it requires a willingness to help others. But the benefits cannot be measured. Self respect; self esteem; the respect and esteem of my family - my wife and I just had dinner with my parents this evening. The mother who found me nearly dead 32 years ago. The most precious reward of all is the absolute freedom from the "hideous Four Horsemen" of addiction. As we say in AA, it works - IF you work it.

But you do know me because your next few sentences sounds similar to me lol. See, we are addicts just at different stages. I can usually spot an addict after face to face talk or based on the way an addict would write.

I am trying out something new for me called Buddhist Recovery. I've tried AA and NA but I never felt like that was for me because I didn't believe with some of what they had to say. I need to re-establish my spiritual life and I would have a better chance at Buddhist Recovery. They have some good stuff on being active in your recovery while raising little rude fucks aka kids lol. I need to learn to respond to my son rather than reacting lol.

Congrats on where you are at today.

 

[Northeastconfederate]

"But you do know me because your next few sentences sounds similar to me lol."

Yup, you got that exactly right! Also your remarks about will power.

"In every case there was something greater then themselves"

One of the primary principles in AA is that of finding "a power greater than ourselves" since the unaided human will does not provide sufficient power. Most people associate this "higher power" with God - but not everyone believes in God. There is tremendous 'collective wisdom' in AA and NA, and I'm sure other recovery groups as well. I refer to AA and NA because that's what works for me. I hope you find what you need where you're looking. You mentioned being lonely. I find cameraderie and fellowship in AA also, which is part of its appeal. Again, I hope you find what you need where you're looking. These kind of message boards are great; I like them and am involved is several - though less active now than I had been a while ago. But nothing beats human contact.

You have my support, whatever that's worth. If I can be of any help at all, please don't hesitate to reach out. I promise not to thump my AA Bible or climb up on my AA podium any more than I have already... ��

 

[Coppo23]

Wow I read all the threads& gd people, my battle w/ addiction picked up H for the 1st time when I was 25 yrs old now 43, its been a battle I tried every way to beat it my way, rehabs, detox, anyway but to truly surrender I feel weak to surrender, that's the insanity of this crazy disease, tells us were gd when were not hurt everyone in my path the people that luv ya the most always get hurt the most cause the will stick by our side no matter what,,, they want the best 4 us even when we don't.. I was just living in Florida the last 5yrs and addiction really took off, so came bk to New York, but we take ourselves wherever we go there we r,, I 2 do gd 4 while till I wanna take my will bk, I just got outta a 6month program but this is one of the best I was ever in cause I really wanted it this time finished program and did all the right things got outta my own way..meetings, meetings & more meetings.& got my own place.. Its been a while that I have been able to do that... I listened to people stopped thinking that I was different better cause that shit just always got me bk to where I started or worse, its crazy alotta people wit addiction r in2 bodybuilding even know we put shit in our body's that will kill us at anytime, once we get clean we r very disciplined, I'm on the suboxone program I get 90 8mg tabs a month but i take about 2mgs aday, I get rid of the rest pays for my cycles when I wanna go on... So I'm far from perfect but I only know of 1 person that is,, so when I seen this I was like wow takes alot to come out and say what u did,,, ur very strong person 4 doing that lotta people can't,,.. they lie to themselves believing there own lies sinking deeper &deeper, so I know I only been here like 2months the people on this site r fucking awesome man, I mean clp people have some shit wit them but who doesn't.. So if u ever need someone to talk to u can hit me up anytime, so hope to hear from ya.. keep up the gd work man stay strong we can do anything we set of minds to...stay strong& god 🙏 bless 🙏